When I'm Dead, Don't Turn Me Into an AI Chatbot

Hey, do me a favor.

When I die, don’t feed all of my writing into a large language model.

Can you do me that solid?

I know. It’s gonna suck when I’m dead.

You’re gonna miss the shit out of me.

But please don’t feed all of my podcast appearances into an LLM and try to have a conversation with my AI ass.

Listen…I get it. You think I don’t fucking get it?

Sometimes I wanna talk to my dead dad too.

But human beings are supposed to mourn.

It’s kinda what being human is about.

The cost of doing business…as a human being.

So please…

Don’t put every dumb YouTube video I’ve ever made into a large language model.

Don’t build a data center to hear me crack another joke.

If you have something to say, say it to me when I’m alive.

And let me be VERY clear:

I’ve spoken to my lawyer about this.

He tells me this Substack post is legally binding.

He also said that I’m “within my legal rights” to haunt you.

Bet you didn’t see that one comin’ did ya?

Maybe I’ll turn into a ghost. You ever think of that, tough guy?

And I’ll tell you this much, if I DO turn into a ghost. It won’t be a nice one like Casper. It’s gonna be a really shitty, petty ghost.

And I will haunt ya.

I’ll haunt ya good.